She Speaks
by Deb Taylor

I've spent the last four months re-evaluating my role in queer activism as well as how involved I want to be in the future. Unfortunately, no clear answer has surfaced as yet. But my thinking has created this need in me to publicly (and boldly) air my disappointment with the Manhattan lesbigay community.

I worry about our sense of community as lesbians, gays, and bisexuals in Manhattan, Kansas. I still have trouble understanding why Manhattan has no successful and consistent formal meeting place to which lesbigays can come and meet each other. We have the Flint Hills Alliance (FHA), but it has not kept the pace necessary to motivate a community to stay together. A few years ago, we as a community were becoming quite cohesive, largely through FHA. But the cohesion did not stick and we have settled back into what I feel is a lack of solidarity, of community.

I guess it takes more than a year or two of good, committed leadership that is supported by involved, motivated individuals to solidify a community. Manhattan can't seem to get past the two-year mark. We gain high-energy leaders who plan and volunteer time in order to provide unity for Manhattan. They grow, and the community grows for a time as well. But our appreciation for their efforts is to take what they give us and ask for more with little thanks or active support in return. As a result, they grow weary of running the show solo. We burn them out. Eventually, they become less active or they move away from Manhattan. And once again, Manhattan is left with no one to lead.

I believe we need good leaders, but we also need active participants who will volunteer their time to the solidarity of the community. I've never understood why community members feel that not being an officer means not volunteering any time or energy to the group.

I know that Manhattan knows how to be active. Our first queer conference in March 1993 was successful because of the overwhelming involvement of the Manhattan community. The conference was sponsored by BGLS, but at that time BGLS was not very organized. Consequently, I bunch of us got together and called ourselves BGLS for a while and we-35 of us-put the conference together and it was a huge success. The energy was overwhelming; 1994 was definitely a growing year for us.

I am embarrassed that Manhattan was become so little organized as a community. Until about a year ago, when new people came to Manhattan, I could easily point them to FHA meetings or potlucks. We often knew one month ahead of time what would be happening at the FHA first-Thursday meeting and we always knew where the upcoming potluck was going to be. In those days, I merely looked at my FHA calendar, informed the new person of the event, and said "see ya there." That doesn't happen anymore. When new people contact me via phone or email, I find myself groping for a response. I get a little resentful that I have to make an event for new people in town; in my opinion, making new people at home in Manhattan should be the responsibility of the community, not one or two people.

I'm the most disappointed to see that, as the community has become less solid, no one has come forward to help energize it. Manhattan is letting FHA, and the lesbigay community, die out. Do we feel so transient about this place that we don't sense any need whatsoever to become involved in its growth? Are we that confident that, when a major anti-gay issue attacks our community, we'll be able to handle the blows? I don't feel confident at all.

The one bright hope onto which I have clung is the growth of BGLS, KSU's lesbian, gay, and bisexual group. Its members are charged up. They have regular, well-attended meetings. BGLS is current on KSU issues; they are quick to respond to anti-gay issues on campus. Most importantly, they are learning that education and talking with each other makes them-as a group and as individuals-stronger and more empowered. And they strike me as a very confident, motivated, and empowered group of students.

BGLS is working on making certain that new lesbigay students who find their way to BGLS will learn how to be proud and confident gays, lesbians, and bisexuals. Look at the commitment behind Icebreakers. BGLS is moving forward, and they have been for two whole years now. For BGLS, 1998-99 will be year Number 3: the Critical Year. BGLS's ongoing success hinges on the continued involvement of its members as well as excellent leadership from its officers. The most critical key to BGLS's ongoing success will be its ability to find future officers. Will BGLS die out in 1999-2000 because the current officers and members did not foresee or cultivate successors, or will it work now to make certain motivated leaders are in line to carry the torch?

I'm disturbed by the fact that Manhattan offers very, very little to future lesbigay KSU graduates. Unfortunately, graduates who decide to stay in Manhattan will have no queer community of active people. If they want group involvement, it will be with students. In my opinion, that sucks for students and non-students alike.

Maybe we'll get lucky and some of those active graduates will get fired up and jumpstart FHA. But, wait. That's how FHA got started in the first place . . .

I don't know what the future holds for Manhattan any more than I know my role in it. I do know, though, that I still hold a few of my beliefs as truths. One of those beliefs is that lesbians, gays, and bisexuals need each other. We don't need to crowd each other, and we don't even need to like each other. But we need to keep informed, aware, and educated, unless of course we believe that homosexuality and bisexuality is wrong, and we are deviants who should keep our orientation a secret, and we therefore do not deserve equal rights afforded to us by our Constitution.

I also believe that, transient or not, I have a responsibility to help my community grow. I hope to move to Colorado in the not-too-distant future. But just because I don't see myself permanently in Manhattan does not mean that I will not invest in the growth of Manhattan's queer community. Volunteering and learning makes me strong and self-confident and proud to be a lesbian.

And I will take all of my growth with me. To that end, I have decided to run for office in the Flint Hills Alliance. I was President for almost two years in the early/mid 90s and, truthfully, I thought I would never do this again. I would rather be an active volunteer in FHA and publish this newsletter. But I feel that, under the circumstances, running for office is what I should do for the 1998-99 year. I am talking to others about becoming FHA officers; I am pleased with the promise of talented people leading FHA. As they are as busy as me, I hope that we will see former members come back to FHA, eager to get involved again. They make FHA exciting and fun.

If I am wrong, and we really don't need each other, I hope that in the near future someone will explain to me why I'm wrong. Until that time comes, though, I hope that others will come forward to add life to the Manhattan community. When a lot of people help, we get much done and we have fun doing it. I want to have fun next year.

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