The Flint Hills Observer
August 1997
She Speaks
by Deb Taylor
I am spooked to think that I actually have something in common with James Dobson of Focus on the Family fame (see article). But alas, both our roots are deeply embedded in the Church of the Nazarene. Whereas I left the Nazarenes screaming and in desperate need of both an "I survived the Church of the Nazarene" t-shirt and a support group, James Dobson went off to create his merry band of Focus Freaks. Dobson, I have concluded, still carries his Nazarene roots well.
Interesting thing about ex-Nazarenes. We are the ones who, soon after leaving the Nazarene Church, walk around with these confused looks (did I just see an alien?) on our faces. We've been taught that total selflessness is better than caring about our own welfare. We have that "woe is me" face down to an art (it's sort of like the deer in the headlights look but narrow your eyes a little), and we've watched other Nazarenes learn how to revel in their own self-persecution. We've been told that going to movies, wearing make-up, dancing, swearing, smoking/drinking/drugs, and fornicating are sure tickets to hell. We have difficulty breaking away from the insanity.
My first chance to break from the Church of the Nazarene came in 1980, my High School Graduation year. But the hypnotic forces of "Negotiate Everything" (that's the Nazarene motto) teamed up with my own indecisiveness about my future, and I found myself spending the next four years of my life at Mid-America Nazarene College (MANC) in Olathe, Kansas. "Nazarene College" is an oxymoron, by the way. I went to Nazarene Patriarchy School.
As a woman with a functioning brain, I was able to witness the MANC Patriarchy head on. My most memorable experience came at the end of my sophomore year. The male-controlled student government was to vote on the yearbook editor for the 1982-83 academic year. I was well-qualified for the position; I had been an assistant editor (in charge of mug shots) my freshman year, and I was the associate editor my sophomore year. More importantly, I had been taught yearbook editing by Dwayne, who had been the chief editor for the past two years and whose yearbooks had one awards both years. Dwayne had me prepped on budgets and the future of the yearbook. The transition from Dwayne to Deb would be easy and affordable for the college.
My competition for the editor's spot was Mike, a flashy guy who, on the day of the interview with student government, wore a very 80s preppy suit and spent twenty minutes telling the audience that, even though he had no experience working on a yearbook, he was certain his could and would become the most-talked-about yearbook for years to come.
Mike practically had the male student government reps cheering. Then came me, Ms. Welcome to Earth, who merely talked about deadlines and budgets and my superior anal retentive abilities to succeed at both.
The men just stared at me. Mike won 80% of the vote. Dwayne and I were in shock; we had never seen discrimination and the patriarchy played out so vividly.
Mike ran the yearbook in 82-83 and I became the Editor-in-Chief for our school newspaper. We both won awards for our work. Mike decided to be the yearbook editor for 83-84 and I decided that I only wanted to graduate. Editing the newspaper had brought me "up close and personal" with the Nazarene Administration and I had had enough. I was totally burnt out on hypocrisy, contradictions, and misplaced priorities. The administration's love-hate relationship with me was exhausting. They resented the fact that I was both intelligent and female. They resented having to take direction from a woman.
My friends in grad school at K-State facilitated my painstaking debriefing. They-and one million years of psychotherapy-have helped me to take charge of my own life. I don't think I'll ever be a religious person again, but I believe that a person should be able to find a church were s/he can be welcomed with unconditional love and acceptance.
James Dobson and the Church of the Nazarene are much scarier players in the 90s than in the early 80s. Now, they are overly intimately involved in politics. They are not satisfied with merely trying to ruin the souls of the people with whom they come in contact; they want to shift society totally to their narrow way of thinking. Society for them should be white, male-dominated, anti-gay, and anti-non-Christian. When I was involved with these religious extremists, patriarchy and submissive women was the big thing. Now, anti-gay is their #1 agenda. It's very frightening.
These people are powerful because they play on our vulnerabilities and they abuse their rights to share mental intimacies with us. I am glad that the young gays, lesbians, and bisexuals at Kansas State have positive resources to utilize like BGLS and Icebreakers. Many of these folks will have just moved away from the same religious psycho- and moral-babble I experienced for so many years. Hopefully, they'll learn early on that they do not have to negotiate who they are and what they believe. I'll be happy to help them realize that it's ok to believe that bisexuality, homosexuality and heterosexuality are morally neutral. Maybe they'll be able to focus on the real reason for being here: to get a degree and eventually a job, to make friends, and to have fun.
